What brings you here

I like the little block that shows up on my page that says "What brings you here?" I am not a person that spends much time on the computer and I tend to not be drawn to use it as a form of communicating my thoughts except for what is logistically showing up to be tended to or if it is the way someone desires to communicate with me. But checking on my Asheville Sangha page I see this question and I feel a smile inside flowing out and it is showing up to participate in this way...so lovely and fun! What brings me here is that there is a desire for you to know that I am here and at your service my Beloved. I have been flying a small flag for quite awhile.  There has been a quietness about sharing but I also feel it should not be hard to find me and or connect with what we are about at the regular Satsang meetings that are held.  I haven't set up a website as of yet but we do record all of the meetings and they are available if your feel drawn check it out.  You can contact Julia Borg and she can make that happen. I have been offering group Satsang and Darshan for almost 3 years with tremendous love and support of Sangha. Folks had been asking me for many years before that but I stayed away from it until meeting and asking Adyashanti.  At the time I felt like I wasn't "cooked enough" to talk about it.  He simply told me if someone asked me a question to talk. From that moment it was a serious invitation for the veil that I could feel remaining to fall away as it did soon after that. With Adya's support I began this apparent role as a teacher. He continued to be very available to me to go over meetings and my questions for the next two years as I would not have felt I could do it otherwise. My deepest desire was and still is to function totally from integrity. Finally a year or so ago my need for him actually became a source of discomfort for me. I both didn't and did understand what was happening. He told me it was now time for me to trust myself. He totally became not only my teacher and friend but very own Self.  I always was feeling this deep pull, then deeper and deeper still,to end this feeling of teacher/student and knew it would not be fully integrated until I didn't experience him as higher or somehow with some magical ingredient that I still was not awake to.  Since then I find he is or more simply the teacher is within and after 6 months or so from that meeting I realized since then there had been no external questions arising anymore. I actually then realized all along Adya had over and over again just validated my questions and honored the way truth moves through this form called Alaya. He teaching is always about trusting yourself.  Its all a inside job. I did have a couple times I was burning to hear his voice but the first time I simpy cried and burned in the yearning.  The next time my daughter shows up with our family computer complaining a man was talking over her tv show and if I would turn it off.  I handed her the iPad instead realizing it was adya's voice and that a prior recording had somehow been activated.  I listened and it was one of my most loved parts of a favorite satsang I had heard before.  He was telling the story about the happiest day of his life when his wife woke up from separation and came to him as he was waking up out of bed and she simply said "I don't need you anymore!"  I held my computer realizing how  much I am supported always in Grace. Its not that my teacher isn't there for me anymore or that we aren't friends. He told me he would be there for me always even in 50 years but I now know that need for external help -even Adya- that is not to be held on to. Even that must fall away. Not that that is a rule or anything for me never to connect with him in that way as it is a mystery.  It's just that is the way it naturally is. Our nature is unconditioned and whole and from that arises unconditional love as Adya reflects so powerfully.  But that is also my true nature and your true nature. Freedom can only be found within and from my own experience I find that that freedom, who we are, this, is ever expanding and ever deepening beyond the beyond and not even that. Anywhere we find separation is a shining light pointing us home all the way through to realize we were always this way. That you and I are the same and the Beloved is our natural Self. I love how Adya says his life is dedicated to the awakening of all beings.  I also feel this deep call...  You are my very Self. Your suffering is my suffering.  We are the same.  Your awakening is my awakening.  I am at your feet. Our deepest desire is truth and I can only bow to that.  How may I be of service my to you my Beloved?