TO BE HEARD, FELT AND UNDERSTOOD

© 2012 Howard McQueen

To be heard, calls for someone else to listen.

To be felt, calls for someone else to be open to feeling.

To be understood, calls for someone else to invoke a response that conveys caring, compassion and, we might include - wisdom.

These qualities of communication are conveyed verbally, through body language and, surprisingly, through the inclusion of silence.

When my partner communicates to me something of interest, if I jump in immediately and start adding my ideas to the conversation, she is likely to believe that I’ve not fully acknowledged, or understood her or her idea.

Perhaps my rush to respond comes from wanting to appear clever. 

Perhaps it is me wanting to be "quick" to respond. 

Perhaps it comes from my habit of falling into automatic brainstorming.

Each of these indicates that I am often not responding from a place and space of  being fully present.  Because of that, the person I'm in conversation with may feel short-changed.

Ever felt short-changed in a conversation?

Looking back, can you sense when you’ve short-changed someone else?

Why be in a hurry?

Why compromise the quality of communicating with another?

“Force of habit” you might say.

“Because I’ve been repeatedly treated that way” we could all agree to say.

OR, we can agree to begin to see all these habits and patterns as impediments to each of us gaining a deeper understanding and love for ourselves, and our fellow humans.

Becoming aware of these impediments is an invitation to shine the light into dark recesses within ourselves, to light-up the fear, to face and wrestle with the demons living in our mind. 

Honesty is our trusted ally, a new agreement we can make with ourselves and with each other, that begins to compliment and bring back a depth and un-rushed flow to our communications.

As we begin to communicate honestly, and relying upon the use tools of listening, tuning into the body language and feelings, we can slow down and encourage each other to enter into the silence --  and then respond.

You may find that by honoring a moment of silence, a sacredness arises.

In the presence of this sacredness, the habits of discounting one another, or hurrying to try and fix someone by tossing out advice, begin to dissipate.

Perhaps more and more of us will begin focusing on honoring the quality of our inward communication with ourselves as well as our outward communications with others.