THE "ME" THAT IS EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY ILL

(C) 2009 Howard McQueen

Try really listening to your mind.
Meditation suggests that you notice the contents, then return.
But for now, try really listening.
Pick a theme that the mind is obsessing over.
Grab a pen and paper.
Let the mind be represented on paper as
"me is feeling ..." and/or "this ... is happening to me"
Don't use the "I am feeling ...".
Stick with the more juvenile "me is feeling ..."
Now, really allow this voice complete editorial freedom,
as in you would not dare to reveal this level of inner imbalance
or turmoil to anyone else.
Let 'er flow, really flow
embrace the pettiness, anger, grief, hurt, the unfairness,
the "how could this Fking be happening to me".

Just get it all down on paper.

Like a seismic reading
you now have an explicit reading
an inscribed voice,
coming from your emotionally stunted
inner child self.
The message (your transcript),
more or less represents that which you have yet to embrace
and give yourself the gift of unconditional love.

At first glance
this voice may appear to be
mentally and emotionally ill
Spot-0n.
First step is always seeing things clearly.

Is there any good news?
Yes, for sure.
You have all the inner tools and capacity
to sweep up all this scurrying about energetic mischief (and more).

At fifty-six years of age,
I began inscribing my own illness.
It erupted in raw vile anger and rage at a spiritual teacher in the Fall shortly after my 57th birthday.
Forty eight hours later, I real eyes'ed that I was reacting to an echo in my past.
It was the childhood fear of being annihilated by my dad.
Within one year
and with a bit of periodic group work,
I had faced this fear of annihilation
and spun down much of the supportive, empowering infrastructure.

Today, I am sitting in relative peace
(alright, the closer truth is downright paradise),
writing this blog entry,
very sober, drug-free and connected to my child self.
Today I started Session No 10 of the Presence Process.

Blessings to you. May we meet in the middle of our divine collective presence.

The Presence Process, a book by Michael Brown