ONE SYMPHONIC “DO OVER” READY TO GO

© 2009 Howard McQueen

During intermission at the Charlotte Symphony last Saturday, a friend and I were waiting in a fairly lengthy line to order a glass of wine. A woman behind me all of a sudden drifted to my right and moved ahead in the line (in front of me).

I took notice of this and surveyed the line. Part of what I noticed was that there were actually two lines and we were in the right line. The lines, however, were a bit jagged and there were no ropes or other means of demarcating the lines. This rational observation supported the notion that she could easily have innocently floated forward.

She was looking around quite a bit, perhaps just a bit nervously. Deep inside, something triggered in me and as I sat with this still subconscious memory, it took hold of me. The next thing I knew I was tapping her on the shoulder asking her if she was with the couple in front of us. She said no, and then I said that it looked to me like she had moved ahead of us in the line. She said that she had just been waiting in line and then she experienced awkwardness and then she offered to buy us a drink and then she realized that her husband was yet to return and he had all the money ...

I said to her, in an attempt to try and cover over the spreading awkwardness, that everything was fine and that we were glad she was with us. I said this twice, without sufficient heart or conviction.

Her husband did show up just before she reached the bar.

***

I am going to look out for this woman and her husband at future visits to the Symphony. I am going to offer her an apology as well as a “do over”. The apology is for my authoring and involving her in my awkwardness. The do over would go something like this.

I see her to my right, moving forward in the line and I say to myself “hmmmm, look what life is floating into my immediacy”. And I either just notice this, or, if I am so inclined, I introduce myself to her and introduce her to my friend, and we talk about the music we just enjoyed. I offer to buy her a drink. She laughs, saying that she could use a temporary line of credit, as her husband has all the money and is not back yet. When he returns, he is added to the warmth already underway.. At a minimum, my intentions and words would encourage and invite fellowship and intimacy, precisely the opposite of what my first encounter had created.

As I was meditating late last night on my memory of the first encounter, what surfaced from my subconscious was an older memory of being in Manhattan having lunch with my wife and noticing a purse snatcher in the act of posturing to take my wife’s purse. When I locked eyes with this would-be purse snatcher, she immediately broadcast a “you caught me – damn”. I believe it was this and other snippets of memories-of-injustice that formed a knot of awkwardness in me, and this is what I projected as I was hi-jacked in the line at the symphony.

One do over ready and waiting.

Life, please extend to this old fool a short while longer to honor and set things in order, so I may rest in and honor the fullness of my own innate peace and goodwill, and have the constancy of awareness to offer this to all my other selves appearing in this Earth school.

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