Asheville Sangha

Supporting the Awakening of Consciousness in Asheville and Beyond

© 2009 Howard McQueen

When we are consciously experiencing the moment
When we are aware that intent births action
When we slow down and feel into our intent
We see ourselves, carrying the energetic signatures
of peace and/or conflict.

These fear/anger/grief energetic conflict signatures
are inscribed into our emotional body
starting in the womb they do bloom
and are carried forward,
reinforced and replayed.

These signatures are attentively and obsessively
varnished over with armor coating,
then decorated so as to appear
part of the form and furniture
of the typical, dysfunctional inner home,
sporting deeply disturbing
subliminal emotional graffiti
on the family dining room walls.

We redecorate again and again
And are left puzzled and feeling a bit grim.
Why is this same old shit
continuing to happen to me?
I cannot possibly deserve all this
bad-luck and F'King suffering-misery?

And then one day, we are encouraged to deeply feel
into something held as traumatic,
and magically, we feel it’s vibration becoming somatic
and this visceral feeling carries within it something deeply authentic.

We can now begin to connect to our feelings of discomfort
and something much more deeply covered over,
vibrates a call for help, all the way through the walls
and the varnished armor
cracks
and the innocent child is exposed
and the keeper-demons rightly seen
as sado-masochistic prison guards,
not protectors or confidants
rightfully embracing and nurturing the child
to encourage the new muscles forming around authenticity
for life to bloom in its rightful residence.

And in this divine corporeal felt sense of self
connection to the truth of direct experience
begins the healing, the scrubbing and sanitizing clean
of the emotionally charged evil of defilement of self
triggered in repeated cycles of suffering
from over exposure to the inscribed, emotionally toxic graffiti.

When you can truly feel the full composition of your intent,
You will choose to not hurt yourself
And you certainly will not have cause to
project hurtful intent into your / our external world.

It requires a slowing down to feel into intent
And to stay with feelings of conflict and aggression,
Transmuting these into a wine worthy of true fellowship.

It all begins with me, with you,
taking responsibility - internally!

~ ~ ~
And we honor that which is already present
not trying to fix it or manufacture anything new - HM

Views: 4

Comment by Sandy Martin on October 18, 2009 at 12:18am
Howard, you said:

These signatures are attentively and obsessively
varnished over with armor coating,
then decorated so as to appear
part of the form and furniture
of the typical, dysfunctional inner home,
sporting deeply disturbing
subliminal emotional graffiti
on the family dining room walls.

You have a GREAT way around words, processes, and phrasing!

I really enjoy your blogs.
Sandy Martin
Comment by Howard McQueen on October 18, 2009 at 10:44am
Thanks Sandy, The blog entries are great therapy as well for me. For a long time, the words did not want to come out coherently, so I resorted to landscaping and gardening. And early this year, some things internally resolved and the flood gates opened. Great to connect with you again and it is really lovely to know others resonate with what is coming up and through me. - Howard

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