SUPPORTING AUTHENTIC GROWTH: THE DO OVER

© 2010 Howard McQueen

Our spoken word,

our way of expressing

our in-the-moment,

inner states.

Our spoken word

our energetic signature,

our inner psychic portrait,

reflected outwards into the external world.

As we become increasingly aware of how our words-as-thoughts land on others, we have the opportunity to assemble an adept understanding of our personally held beliefs. We gain the opportunity to see what is actively running within our own operating system.

When our psychic portrait is laden with the toxins of fear, anger and grief, we can bear witness to how we tune to and radiate these toxic frequencies, and how these impact and affect others.

As our awareness of suffering conveyed through our spoken word deepens, we begin to discover and experiment with methodologies that enable us to clean-up our tainted-with-toxin energy exchanges.

One approach that can be helpful to begin shifting our awareness so we can take responsibility for cleaning up our expressed toxins is the “do over”.

A do over is essentially a second opportunity to restate, and fully clean up the intent of the prior words spoken. An effective do over ensures that the new words convey a clear, clean purity and communicate heart-felt intent.

The other night, Emory (my partner and wife) was working late on our shared laptop. We were both a bit tired. As she was finishing up her work on our laptop, she inquired if I wanted her to do anything. I immediately responded with the following words

You do remember how to do this! (said with a tinge of frustration and condescension, and under the assumption that she was needing a refresher in how to properly shut down the laptop).

Emory immediately picks up on the tinged emotions and starts to tell me that what I said carried the feeling that I was depreciating her, that I was communicating that she was dumb, not capable.

As I sat with her words (spoken in honesty), I felt the truth in her words and this opened me to revisiting my words. Revisiting these words put me into an intimate connection with my psychic portrait at the time of speaking them. What I uncovered, still running in my operating system, was a deep groove of frustration around an obligation to support a previous partner with what, at the time, felt like a burden of support around them being effective with their own computer.

The do-over I offered Emory

I spoke these words from a generous, connected-to-Emory place in my heart. There was a gusto and appreciation conveyed in the do over.

Emory’s countenance immediately changed and we went off to bed feeling connected rather than separated. The next morning she revisited the do over again, and said that it was so clean and compelling that it completely dissolved the toxins carried in my initial exchange to her.

An apology acknowledges that what was said (or done) could have been hurtful or carry words that attempted to depreciate another. Apologies do not necessarily build the muscles of learning to cleanup one’s words by taking responsibility to restate (and demonstrate) your highest intent.

I’ve been in situations where, after receiving a series of apologies from another person, the effectiveness of the apology seems to erode. This may sometimes be an indication that one party in the relationship is stuck and unable to break free of a habitual pattern, and thus unable to begin to construct a do-over.

I’ve experienced the magic of healing both giving and receiving do overs. Its best not to rush a person when they are feeling into the space within themselves to usher in their heart-felt intent. We need to be aware that in navigating our inner spaces we encounter darkness and confusion, especially around emotionally charged issues where we have been tainted by the fear, anger and grief of others.

An effective do over contains words that spring from the heart – making the intent uplifting and based in spirit and connection. We cannot take back our words spoken, however, we can take responsibility and clean up our toxic exchanges. The do over offers up the opportunity to come into contact with our own inner medicine and build the muscle to create our own antidote for our own dis-eases.