Asheville Spirituality, Satsang, Meditation
In Satsang we often talk about "what's going on". This is the way my teacher Neelam would often speak to others and I remember feeling very confused and very frustrated by the question. Over time as I heard and opened deeply to these words I was able to see changes in my perspective and experience of what was going on-slowly realizing she was always pointing me into was was going on inside of me at that moment. At first it was all a mind story as I would circle thoughts and be taken into my conditioning and suffering but then eventually I began to open and shift into a internal direction as I recognized feelings arising. She would also use the word Tenderness. Tenderness I found to be a most powerful friend and natural aspect of our nature. Opening to tenderness especially when there is the impulse of resistance to what is will then immediately soften the edges of what you are holding away from your Self. It blurs the imaginary this/that and moves us directly into feeling/being or the heart. Tenderness is a natural movement of openness and unconditional love that pulls us into our being. Quite miraculously my mind would begin to get more quite as I began to feel and follow the internal pull of Grace. It took time and fierce gentle humble patience as I had to also be very tender with the pull of the mind/ego to reboot into my dream state. There was fear arising to keep the status quo but over and over with inquiry I began to feel very grateful for this energy. Realizing mind/ego had been doing a great job of protecting me from pain through separation in the way it does through manifesting separation but now as I was drawn to know my true nature it no longer could function the same way to be at service to this calling of Grace. The mind I found through inquiry was slowly losing its Queenship and over time was (and for along while) reluctantly moving into being at service to Truth. This is its true nature, like putting the icing on the cake, mind has the unique ability to bring the unmanifest movement and expression of Grace into the world. Slowly I found that not only was inquiry the medicine but as in when I found tenderness to be alive and a natural expression of my Self also Inquiry was found to be alive and a natural movement of Self. Eventually as mid/ego was shifting out of a dualistic movement there was a equal shift of perspective of present functioning and living inquiry arising. This all was the result of the deepest and devoted opening to the depths of what "what's going on" . It continued to show up in ways my mind could only be of service to, because everything that is illusionary, that is running, shows up within our very Self to such depths as to the origin of its birth. Being with that I found in each and every case the suffering had no life-force within it to sustain it. When opened to all the way through the suffering cannot survive. This is the ultimate act of love. The movement of Inquiry in itself is the ultimate act of unconditional love. It is the medicine ,meaning through Inquiry our deepest yearning is met as we fill every hole in our Being with the healing movement of True Love no longer requiring the illusionary self to grasp and try to find it outside over and over as the hungry ghost. It is truly all a inside job and we find over and over that we have everything we need to wake up. All love is already here and inquiry is our lighthouse. Now what's going on?